留学垃圾请各位天涯英语牛人帮忙改改我这烂作文！！有红酒/红包送！

下面是一篇关于写关于手机弊端的片段练习，我英语好烂，刚刚写完交上去，作文老师说只能拿D,就是不及格啊。请各位牛人帮帮我，帮我改一下啦，有红酒红包送！

　　 要求：1：在本人原作基础上更改，不要该的离我的本意太远

　　 奖励： 1：回帖给意见3分

　　 2；不错的更改：红酒1瓶

　　 3，改的很完美，送红包甚至钻戒1个，建立长期合作关系

　　 我以我天涯ID的10000多分做担保，不信可查。

　　 希望大家帮帮我啊！！！！！！！

　　While cell phones may be part of people’s daily life, they still bring people some problems. The first problem when using phones or dialing to someone, cell phones more or less send out electric wave radiation to people’s brain which will affect normal abilities. The x rays sent out by cell phones will kill red cells in the body which may lead to a disease---cancer. Besides those dangerous problems mentioned above, cell phones may cause a less dangerous problem. They may make people angry when people can’t make or receive important calls. Although cell phones play an important role today, cell phones disturb people’s normal life, make people too attached to them. People let the cell phones open all day long and check the phones every few minutes. All in all, people can’t live without cell phones, but people should use them properly.

　　 我的MSN:NHEZNHEZLOVELC@HOTMAIL.COM

　　 QQ:41866573

　　 有愿意指导的，万分感谢！！！！

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